Great Expectations

In the expression of the church where I grew up, I heard a lot about expectation. The choir director or the pastor would often remind us of our freedom to come before God expecting; expecting Him to meet us right where we’re at, to show up, to meet the needs of our lives, and because we were expectant of a God who cares, who provides, and who keeps His promises, we didn’t have to wait until then to be thankful. We could praise Him in advance because He is faithful to do what He has promised He would do.

But what happens in our relationships, more importantly in our hearts, when we place expectations that were meant for God only, on the shoulders of the imperfect people in our lives? I believe it causes us to live in ways Jesus never intended due to breakdowns in our belief about our world.

Lately I have noticed a theme in conversations I’ve had with three of my co-working friends. Though their situations differ, at the core of their frustrations lies the commonality of expectation. Two of them are teachers - intervention specialists, at that. Add this pandemic and you can imagine the kinds of frustrations they’re wrestling through. I decided to write about this more broadly as I’d imagine my three friends can’t be the only ones expecting much out of life and stuck in this cycle of hurt and frustration every time reality falls short of their expectations. I believe there is a more narrow path to follow for Expecting. And because of Jesus, we belong to the few who will find it. 

Expectations are a normal part of life. They can add excitement, clarity or focus which are needed tools and boundaries in life to help guide our relationships. But expectations left unchecked result in unhealthy boundaries that cause us to use this tool in ways we were never intended. For the sake of how I ended the last paragraph we’ll call this the broad path. Unrealistic and unspoken expectations are two unhealthy types we find on this path. With unspoken expectations we hold people to agreements made in our minds only, giving ourselves the permission to act out accordingly. With unrealistic expectations we hold others to agreements beyond what was communicated or just outright unachievable for anyone. They are not mutually exclusive either. Our expectations can be unrealistic whether spoken or unspoken. Left unchecked, over time what will deduce from these mindsets is the permission to retreat. Believing that if we detach ourselves, avoiding or becoming less emotionally invested, we save ourselves from the pain people cause us. 

Oh but there is an alternative. It’s the one Jesus modeled and calls us to: The Narrow Path. A path where we’re to cast all our cares on Him. The only one who has the shoulders to carry them. Jesus promised us that in this life we would have trouble. Meaning, life has enough disappointments on its own. Why add to it? He calls us to take heart for “He” has overcome the world - not the imperfect people we live with day to day. When we cast all our cares upon Jesus, we make it so we are not surprised by the mistakes people, ourselves included, make in this world. And by the ability of His Holy Spirit, he frees us to love folks the way it’s laid out in 1 Corinthians 13. Loving people freely without expectation or a need to keep record of their wrongs. We know that while this seems naive, we can trust this love that never fails. We can trust that any pain we suffer in this life will be used to make us more like Jesus. So the risk of releasing ourselves from being a Geppetto, puppeting the lives of everyone we come into contact with, will always be worth it. 

Again, if we don’t learn to let go of our expectations we will find ourselves living in ways Jesus never intended. If we don’t learn to let go of our expectations concerning imperfect people than our natural response will be to retreat. This is because the nature of sin at its core is self preservation. When we can’t depend on people, we retreat to depend on ourselves. If we choose not to let go, this seemingly sensible yet destructive alternative awaits us. In regards to retreating, author and scholar CS Lewis sums it up best, “To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.” Love calls for us to be vulnerable. Sin gets in the way of this. Showing its head in the form of our expectations. The way we combat this is by trusting in Jesus. Do we trust He truly cares for us? Do we believe He truly overcame this world? Are we ready to cast all of our cares on Him? You see letting go boils down to whether or not we trust Jesus to fill our cups or believe He won’t fill them like we can. When we trust Jesus, we’ll see no conflict in loving folks without expectation because we know our hearts' deepest cares are in the hands of the One who is ever faithful. 

So let go! Be vulnerable. It is because of Jesus we have everything to gain and nothing to lose. For we know we find His strength in our weakness. We know He uses pain to make us more like Him. For these reasons I ask that we’d give up control and choose this more narrow path. With access to the comfort and peace offered us in this life. Making us reflectors of His comfort and peace to the world around us. This won’t happen overnight so give yourself grace. I’ll end with a lyric from an artist named Sho Baraka that encourages and reminds me of this truth, while helping me see myself as one in need when I’m struggling; “If anything we could model our great hero, always give 100 percent and expect zero.”

Skyler Roberson
Citizens Akron
Associate Pastor & Creative Director of Citizens of Akron