The best relationship principles taught by the experts come straight from the relationship values taught by Jesus. Perhaps the most surprising thing is that my relationships, both with God and with others, are most directly affected by unresolved issues inside my heart—you know, that invisible, mysterious, confusing, wonderful part of each of us that enables us to love, laugh, fear, and experience life. It’s the place where relationships are built - and broken. The unresolved issues in your heart will eventually work their way to the surface and seep into your relationships. When I think of my most embarrassing moments and my biggest regrets, more often than not they have something to do with my relationSLIPs. The time to address the slippage is now.

When God, life, or people don’t give us what we feel we deserve, we have angry hurt that demands a payback. The offender is usually long gone, but everybody else in life pays. Our anger alienates us from the very people we want to love. Relationships grow when we decide we don’t have to let the past control the future. 

Message Notes

Last Week: Guilt says I owe you.
We deal with it through confession- starting the process of repentance, restitution, and restoration.

This Week: Anger says you owe me.

Show me an angry person and I will show you a hurt person.
In most cases, the debt can never be repaid.

If anger gets lodged in my heart, eventually I get angry at everyone.

The only answer for anger is forgiveness, but it seems unreasonable.
It seems more reasonable and justifiable to remain a victim.

Forgiveness is the decision to cancel a debt.

Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
Ephesians 4:31-32

Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants.As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand bags of gold was brought to him. Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt.

At this the servant fell on his knees before him. “Be patient with me,” he begged, “and I will pay back everything.” The servant’s master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go.

But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred silver coins. He grabbed him and began to choke him. “Pay back what you owe me!” he demanded.

His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, “Be patient with me, and I will pay it back.”

But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt. When the other servants saw what had happened, they were outraged and went and told their master everything that had happened.

Then the master called the servant in. “You wicked servant,” he said, “I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?” In anger his master handed him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed.

This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart.
Matthew 18:23-35

Holding on for payback is the most destructive thing we can do.

An apology doesn’t erase an experience.
But it does change an attitude.

Bottom Line

Canceling the debts others owe us sets US free.

Next Steps

1. Identify who “owes” you.

2. Determine what they owe you.

3. Cancel the debt.

   • Heavenly Father, ____________has taken _______________from me. I have held on to this debt long enough. I choose to cancel this debt. _____________ is off my hook. As you forgave me, I am forgiving __________________.

4. Dismiss the case.